Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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