lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
