There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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