If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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