I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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