my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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