Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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