so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
