using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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