There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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