She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
