Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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