I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
