Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
