i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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