i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
