The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm having to shit out rocks
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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