We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
