Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
