I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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