so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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