She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
