i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
