it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
