i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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