You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
