chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
