My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
