hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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