I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
this hospital has no fireball
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
