im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
