after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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