you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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