they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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