He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
