I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
