and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
