why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
