I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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