I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
