you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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