My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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