your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
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Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
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