Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
