4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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