Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
