Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No subtext here. People are naked.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
