Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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