i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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