I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I met the friendliest cop last night
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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