There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
