this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
