i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
