YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
