I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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