I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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