he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
