Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
