my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
