No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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