I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
