i will never coherently bang her
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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