Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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