3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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