I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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