Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
