omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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