there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
