So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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