highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
