go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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