My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
