hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
