i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
